The only diet I've ever stuck with ...

I like to think I'm pretty good with money. I set a budget and I tend to stick to it. But I had a bit of an indiscretion this fall. The bonus offer on the Southwest credit card has been calling to me for years now, and I finally signed up. And while I was totally willing to use my credit card instead of cash for three months to get those sweet bonus points, it was harder for me to stay on-budget without actual cash in hand. It wasn't a spending free-for-all (and I have several free flights in my future, so WORTH IT), but now I want to get back on track.

How am I going to do that? By joining the January Money Diet! Eliza of Happy Simple Living is a dear friend of my mom's, and an all-around amazing woman, and she hosts this annual challenge. The goal is to eliminate all unnecessary spending for one month.

I've done the diet twice (or three times?) previously, and it can be tough. But we're not talking "how many days in a row can I eat ramen?" tough, I promise. Eliza walks you through the month with tips to make it fun and several thought-provoking posts. It really made me watch where I put my money, and consider if I was getting the best use out of it.

ADDED BONUS: Each time I've done the money diet, I've saved around $500, and that's a nice chunk of change. I paid my biannual car insurance one year, and used it to start a "vacation fund" another. I'm excited to try it again as a single person, and I hope you'll join me. You can sign up here. Cheers to starting the new year off in a mindful manner!

I Fucking Love Amy Schumer

Over the weekend, I went to Nashville. Primarily to see Amy Schumer, because she's on tour yet not coming to Denver. Also to hang out with a delightful friend of mine, and eat good food, and have fun. I typed this up on my phone immediately after her show. I was going to edit it to turn it into a cohesive blog post, but it makes me chuckle as-is, so I'm just gonna post it. 

I fucking love Amy Schumer. More than Amy or Tina or Mindy or Lena, I feel like we're on the same page. She's smart and vulgar, and I think she might be a secret bitch, like I am. Like we're not totally mean to people, but we're judging you. So hard. We don't have ill will, but that's a fucking stupid sweater. Biiiiitch.

I went to see her in Nashville, and she just killed it. She was talking about how guys don't care if you gain 10 lb. Their primary focus is putting their dick in your asshole, and you're wondering "Should I get highlights?" Men do not fucking care. When she won that award at the Women of the Year event and said "I'm probably, like, 160 pounds right now and I can catch a dick whenever I want" it was like yaaaas, queen. I weigh like 100 lb more than I did in college, when I didn't think I was cute enough to have sex with, and I can get some whenever I want. Let it go, let it gooooo. You are worthy, and there's nothing wrong with you.

I should mention: I went to Nashville by myself. I also did this Labor Day weekend, and I felt suuuper self-conscious. This time around, I kinda love being solo. I walked down Broadway, then found a pub in Printers Alley to have a cider and a fucking delicious beet and goat cheese salad.

My point (or one of them; this is a mess even though I'm totally sober) is that you shouldn't be afraid to do things by yourself. I've hesitated to RSVP to events or buy tickets for things cuz I didn't want to go alone, and I'm really done with that. Treat yo'self and have a great time. It's not sad. It'd be sad if I were at home, wishing I was doing something fun. Not that staying home is bad; there are nights where I want nothing more to watch Hulu in bed. Lots of nights. But don't let the absence of a partner stop you from living your life.

Why are people still allowed to smoke indoors? So gross.

The Return of Confession Wednesday

The hilarious Kathy has resurrected Humpday Confessions, so I must join! Let's jump right in.

FIRST: There is a radio station in Denver that does Confession Wednesday, and has for years. So even though I know this linkup is called Humpday Confessions, it will forever be Confession Wednesday to me. Same same.

- Speaking of not knowing the names of things, I love the show Silicon Valley. However, whenever I tell anyone how cool it is, I call it Workaholics, a show I have never seen. EVERY. TIME.  Some of my friends have even started watching Workaholics on my recommendation. Oops.

- I saw this Dad Joke Survivors thing on Facebook the other day, and I laughed way too hard at all the corny jokes. Particularly the constipation one. Also told it to my friend and couldn't even wait for the punchline before I started giggling uncontrollably.

- We let someone go at work a few weeks ago, and (maybe this makes me the worst person ever) I'm really glad. We work so much better as a team without her, and the overall attitude/vibe is more positive. Sorry I'm not sorry?

- The other day I bought Kraft mac and cheese and cookie dough at Target, and the cashier was like "Ooh, your kids are gonna love you tonight!" Nope, no kids at my house, lady. Just poor life choices and a taste for powdered cheese.

That's all I've got for now. Hopefully I be back with more embarrassing facts about myself next week!

The Thing I Remember From Church

I haven't been to church in ages, but when I was growing up, I went regularly. And there was one thing the pastor said each week that stuck with me. After the greeting and announcements, he would say, "Let us quiet our hearts and minds for worship." And while I'm not exactly religious these days (sorry, Jesus), I still really like the concept of intentionally clearing mental and emotional clutter.

A quiet mind is not something that comes easily to me. Sometimes I struggle to finish a sentence because I've already moved on to another thought. When I'm ready for bed at night, I make a conscious effort to stop thinking and focus on sleep, otherwise I'll be up for hours. It's very easy for me to get caught up in my thoughts.

Fortunately, this past weekend allowed me some quiet moments. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't have much planned and had the luxury of lounging in bed each morning. Or the snow that fell Friday evening; a fresh coat of white over everything always gives me a sense of calm. Whatever it was, my heart and mind were at peace, and I remembered some important truths.

- I shouldn't be afraid to tell people that I care about them. In all relationships, but particularly when it comes to romance. It seems like modern dating culture has really embraced apathy, and I'm tired of it. Not telling people how you feel because you want to "keep it casual" or you're afraid they won't feel the same way doesn't make your feelings go away. And stifling them certainly doesn't make me feel good.

- I have an amazing life. I tell myself I should read more, be better informed on current events, find a boyfriend, exercise more, etc. And I'm sure doing those things would enhance my life. But when I sweep out all the shoulds, I find that I am happy with things as they are. Not to get too too hokey on you, but this here country song sums up my feelings pretty beautifully.

I hope that this moment of clarity will shape my outlook as we enter the holiday season, and I will remember to be joyful, show gratitude, and express my love for others. Amid the stressors and frivolity the coming weeks will bring, I would urge you all to take a moment to tune in to what's on your mind and in your hearts. It's powerful stuff.

I'll sign off before things get too preachy up in here. Peace.

That Time I Got Ghosted By CDOT

So, I've been having a relationship with the Colorado Department of Transportation. It all began when they gave me a  sticker that allows me to take the HOV/express lanes fo' free! I have been lucky enough to have one of said stickers for about a year and a half, after about a year on the waiting list (#blessed). It enables me to battle a bit less traffic anytime I need to get anywhere during rush hour, and it was pretty much a life/sanity-saver when I was commuting.

All of the sudden, with no warning, CDOT pulled the plug on our little situation and left me with $38 in toll charges. I've tried calling, emailing, checking in with mutual friends (aka ExpressToll, the company that wants my money) and ... nothing. They are ghosting the shit out of me, and I'm not happy about it. I'm not usually bothered by ghosting in the dating realm (because if you don't care enough to let me know you don't want to see me anymore, we probably weren't a great match to begin with), but this is some bullshit. I need to know WHY, dammit!

I'm now going to move on to happier topics so I don't have a rage blackout. Blergh.

Hulu, I am in love with you right now. The commercial-free option is absolutely worth the extra $4 a month. Also, have you seen Casual? It's one of their original shows, and it's great. Funny, sex-positive, and Mindy's hot sports-agent boyfriend (from The Mindy Project) is in it -- what's not to like? 

I got promoted at work, and it's pretty great. I've been meeting with employees and plotting ways to increase accuracy and efficiency. I can't remember the last time I was this jazzed about my job.

My Entertainment Weekly subscription expired in July, but they haven't stopped sending them to me yet. I'm not mad about it.

Yeah, that's all I got. I am officially the worst at blogging now. 

31.5

I realized yesterday that today is my half-birthday. Which really means nothing. But I remember telling people "I'm seven and a half" when I was younger, and being so proud of those extra six months. "I'm 31 and a half" really doesn't have the same ring to it, I've gotta say.

I had (a purely platonic) dinner with a woman I met on OKCupid last night. She was funny and sweet and we have a million things in common. There are all of these sites to meet romantic partners; why aren't there sites dedicated to making friends? Maybe I'm just awkward, and the rest of you don't need the Interwebs to make friends. Maybe.

I'm trying to make some decisions about what I'd like to do with my life, career-wise. Everything's still up in the air at the moment, but change is afoot, and I'm excited to see how things shake out. Shoutout to Alyssa, whose post about taking a calculated risk was very inspiring to me.

Speaking of posts, here are more things I recently discovered on the Internet:

- Making the Perfect BLT. I don't even eat bacon, but I love that she put some thought into how to make a truly excellent sandwich.

- Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled. Mindy Kaling, you are just the best.

- Josh Duggar has proven himself to be a real turd, hasn't he? Yikes.

- No Labels, No Drama? While that may be true, it seems to imply that people expect no labels, no feelings. I have feelings for everyone I'm intimate with, even if they're not "I wanna be your girlfriend" kind of feelings. Just because you haven't defined the relationship doesn't mean you should have no regard for your partner, and hiding your feelings is not the path to empowerment.

Someday, I shall share photos and recommendations from my trip to Seattle, but today is not that day. Have a great weekend, y'all!

Something Along the Lines of Bullshit

Quite a while ago, I donated to a Kickstarter campaign for a local filmmaker (like around two years ago? Not sure. But a while). He had a premise and a short film he wanted to expand on, and I thought it was a cool idea.

So now the movie has come out (at least for backers. Not sure that it's available to the public anywhere). I just watched it. And I hate it. Not because it was poorly made, or the story wasn't what I expected. I think I hate it because it was too real.

To summarize, the movie is about a man who gets dumped, is sad for a bit, starts seeing someone new, then dicks out on her after a few dates to go home and hook up with his ex. And eventually get back with said ex. Is that not an objective plot summary? Too bad, it's my blog.

It's the same reason I cannot watch Girls. They're probably mumblecore masterpieces, but I can't take it. I don't need my romcoms to be The Notebook or anything; those kind of movies go to the other extreme and are essentially fairy tales. But what about I Love You, Man? Or Away We Go? I like to see some sort of evolution in my romantic leads. If I wanted to observe an insecure man who still wants to hook up with his ex, I'd just make dates with more of the loons who message me on OKCupid.

I realize that the movies I mentioned above aren't entirely realistic; some people don't grow and just get stuck in the same patterns in all of their relationships. But we're talking about ENTERTAINMENT here, people! The growing and changing and being bold is what makes these movies romantic! There is no romance in stagnation. Blergh.

Everyone else is already taken.

 Image via

I've been wanting to write a longer post about this since the Diane Sawyer interview, but I haven't been able to cobble together my thoughts. So I will just say this: I've come to think of the Kardashians as attention-seeking and basically classless, but I am so impressed by Caitlyn Jenner. Do you, girl.

Speaking of, I just want to reiterate what a delight self-acceptance is. I have become super out of shape and overweight, and while I'm taking steps to remedy the out-of-shape part for health reasons, I'm not ashamed of how I look. I laid out at the pool yesterday, and in the past I would've felt self-conscious when it became crowded with ripped bros and five-foot-tall women in adorable bikinis. But the sun was shining and the water was cool, and I couldn't find a single fuck to give. I would like to thank age, or the benevolent force of the universe, for that gift. I'm endlessly grateful.

The Joy of Online Dating

Disclaimer: Things are about to get really real, y'all. Not like 50-Shades-of-Grey graphic or anything, but if you're conservative and/or a blood relative, read at your own risk.

Since my return to single-lady land last summer, I've been dating. Or "seeing people" or whatever people call it these days. I was a little rusty at first, since the last time I was single, I was 21 and smart phones were barely a thing. A guy on a podcast I was listening to recently referred to getting back into the dating scene after marriage as "Rip Van Winkle-ing," and I kind of agree with that. Things are not how they used to be.

Let's be clear: all of these situations originate online. I have zero in-person game and can count on one hand the number of times I've approached someone/been approached romantically in person in my life. #awkward

The good:

 - Craigslist. For reals, y'all. I have met more legit dudes that I liked/had things in common with/wanted to make out with on Craigslist than other sites (Tinder, OKCupid). Everyone thinks it's full of creepers, and there was that lady who stole a baby out of the womb, but for me, it works. Maybe there's less pretense there, or maybe it was a total coincidence. But the majority of dudes I went on more than one date with originated with a Craigslist post. A word to the wise: if you post your own ad, brace yourself for some dick pics. Because they'll be coming at ya, hard and fast (pun intended?).

Case in point: Earlier this year, I mentioned I'd been craving grilled cheese to a very nice guy I'd met on Craigslist. So he surprised me with soup and sandwich for lunch the next day at work. So sweet.

 - I'm more self-aware and confident. When I dated in high school/college, I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, or how to maintain my damn composure on a date. Now, I tend to approach it like an interview; let's see if we're a good fit, and if we're not, it wasn't meant to be. If we are, great. I guess age or experience has ended the era where "But what if he doesn't like me?" was a completely paralyzing question.

 The bad:

- Dudes who message to say things like "Ur fuckin sexy" or "It looks like you suck good dick." I always want to reply and ask if women ever respond to that. If so, how? "Thank you, I AM very good at fellatio!" Yikes. Nearly as awkward are the "you're prettier than a field of daisies" or "I hope your day is as beautiful as you are." It's sweet, but I still have no idea how to reply.

A charming text I received from a guy I hadn't even met.
I haven't clicked the link, but I'm guessing it's NSFW.

My chosen response. Crazy begets crazy.

 - I have no filter. I don't mean that I say whatever pops into my head, but I find myself mentioning that I got divorced last year, or ridiculous dates I've been on, or other shit Cosmo would tell me not to say on a date. I'm not telling "poor me" stories or anything, but things just come up, and I'm used to being honest. Sorry I'm not sorry?

The WTF:

- How do you stop conversations with people you don't want to talk to? I get a lot of messages from guys I'm not really interested in. Do I just ignore them? That seems rude, but it also seems rude (and time consuming!) to make idle chitchat when I have no interest in meeting them in the future. Is it mean to write back "Thanks for your message, but I'm not interested"? No idea how to handle this.

This from a dude who I had one dinner with, then didn't hear from for a month.
A wiser woman would've just ignored it, but I wrote this. Although I doubt
 the slut thing would've happened, regardless of prior commitments.

 - When do you bring up the fact that you don't really want to sleep with them? I'm not saying we're not going to do the deed EVER, but that's something I try to avoid with people I've known less than four hours. Telling them at the beginning of the evening seems presumptuous; maybe I won't like you/you won't like me, and it'll be a moot point. But waiting till later doesn't seem to be a great idea, either. I met a guy for drinks, he was funny and nice, but there were a couple factors that made me think we'd be better off as friends. So he asks me to his place and I decline, saying I need to get home. He then tries to make out with me in the parking lot and sends me lots of angry messages about being a tease once I leave. Should I have said "No thanks, I'm just not that into you?" Or should I have turned around and left upon meeting him and realizing he was several inches shorter than he claimed? (Sidenote: I try not to be shallow when dating, but I just can't get it up for guys that are shorter than me. And a lot of them are.)

So that's my experience, in a nutshell. I've actually pulled back on the online dating front lately, not because it was terrible, but it does seem to take up a lot of brain space for something that isn't that productive. So I'm going to stop focusing on it for a while and see what happens. I'm not opposed to dating, I just won't be seeking it out as much. Or maybe I've just reached capacity on dick pics for a while. ;)

Do you have any tips or success/horror stories to share?

Life lately

Hey y'all!

Here's a bulleted list of things I feel the need to share with you. Enjoy!

 - This is so, so interesting: One Company's New Minimum Wage. Obviously it wouldn't work for all companies, but I applaud the owner.

- Lately, I've been wrapping up random ingredients in tortillas and calling it a burrito. I'm currently eating one made with a Gardenburger patty and half of a veggie and grain bowl from Costco. It could be worse.

- Why I rarely buy clothes online. While plus-size models are indeed larger than regular models, they are still models. And many of them have a waist-to-hip ratio thing happening that my "carry extra weight in my belly" body-type does not work with, regardless of my weight. Sad day.

- After mulling it over for, oh, six months or so, I've decided to start working out again. The current plan is to wake up early and get it in first thing, which has gone well the four days I've done it thus far. It's a little rough getting up at 6 a.m., but it's nice to have it out of the way and also nice not having to take a second shower every day. We'll see how it works out long-term.

- I'm going to Seattle for a long weekend in June! Despite my complete lack of paid time off, I just can't stop planning vacations. Not too sorry about it.

- Lastly, I really want to make this or these. But first I need to work out some kind of scenario where I can make it, eat 1-2 servings, and immediately get the rest away from me. Taking it to work the next morning gives me too much time alone with the sugary goodness, and I will binge-eat the remainder. Trust.

The Thailand Trip

My favorite part of any vacation, the beach.

Hey, y'all! Remember that one time when I mentioned I was going to Thailand? Well, that happened. And since it's been nearly 1.5 months since I arrived home, I figured it was time to tell you about it.

First, the basics: I went with my friend Val, aka Mrs. Val, aka Mrs. World Traveler. She's lived abroad and been to six continents, so I felt very comfortable taking a trip like this with her. We flew out of San Francisco (because tickets were cheap; also she lives in Anchorage so it seemed like a good rendezvous point) and had layovers in China before arriving in Bangkok, Thailand. We stayed in Bangkok for three days, then flew to Siem Reap, Cambodia, for three days, back to Bangkok for an overnight layover, then down to Krabi, Thailand, (spending time in Ko Lanta and Railay) for five days, then back to Bangkok for the journey home. Essentially a two-week trip.

Highlights:

- English was fairly common in Thailand, and very common in Cambodia. That made getting around/ordering food/etc. easier than anticipated. Cambodia also uses American currency, which was convenient, though they won't accept old-school $20s, $50s or $100s (only the newer kind with the multi-colored ink).

- Everything is pretty affordable. We Couchsurfed in Bangkok, so we had free accommodations, and our host took us to a street food market where dinner was about $1.25 USD. Even at fancier places, I don't think I paid more than $10 for a meal the whole trip. Same for hotels; we didn't stay at the fanciest of places, but our most expensive room (two twin beds, private bath, free breakfast) was $37 USD. Not bad at all.

- Lots of restaurants have a whole vegetarian section on their menu, so finding food was easy. Curries and Indian food were prevalent, but everything I tried was tasty, so I have no complaints.

- Thai massages are magical. We went to the Asia Herb Association and had a great experience. We had tea, they washed our feet, then we changed into pajama/scrub-type outfits and they worked us out. My therapist bent and stretched my limbs, walked down my legs (to apply more pressure, I think? She was about half my size) and left me feeling totally tension-free. Total price was about $15 USD. You can get them for less (like $5) at smaller walk-in places (which we also did), but the AHA massage was better.

- Our hotel in Siem Reap was awesome. They picked us up from the airport, the staff was super friendly/helpful, and the room was clean and cute. And Pub Street and other attractions in town are 5-10 minutes away, walking.


Lessons learned:

- Pay to have your clothes cleaned. I decided I would wash mine in the hotel sink and let them hang dry, and that was stupid. They took days to dry and then smelled musty when they were finally wearable.

- Railay > Ko Lanta. We spent the majority of our beach time in Ko Lanta, where the beach was rocky and quite small, especially during high tide. The vibe there was laidback and fun, but Railay had gorgeous beaches with smooth sand and warm water. Definitely preferable.

- Try not to get food poisoning (not sure how easy that'll be, but definitely don't seek it out). Mrs. Val and I both got sick on the flight(s) home, and it was not pleasant. I literally grabbed the (unfortunately still sealed) airsickness bag and started to say "I think I'm gonna--" before projectile vomiting all over myself, my seat, the floor, and Val. She is a true gem for continuing to be my friend after this occurred.  Then we both spent the remainder of our 20-ish hour trip slogging back and forth to the bathroom. Yikes.

Overall, it was an amazing trip. I was apprehensive about traveling with just a backpack and taking so much time off from work, but it was absolutely worthwhile. I had what you might call a moment in Railay, when I was lazily floating in the ocean, soaking up the sunshine: everything just felt right. I think that experience kicked off my recent feelings of contentment, actually.

I'll leave with you some carefully curated (by that, I mean "semi-randomly chosen from my 400+ photos") pictures from the trip. Enjoy!

The greeter at the entrance to Wat Arun in Bangkok.

The detail on the temple was incredible, especially given its size (several stories).

The Istanbul floor at Terminal 21, a giant mall with an international theme in Bangkok.

Me with Mrs. Val, my delightful traveling companion.

The main drag in Siem Reap, home to many restaurants, bars, and $1 fruit shake stands.

Touring a temple at Angkor Wat.

Elephants. In case you didn't know.

Watching the sun set from a hilltop in Angkor Wat.

The beach in Railay, AKA one of the coolest beaches I've ever been to.
The cliffs right next to the water made it pretty stunning.

Sunset at said cool beach. Pretty much perfect.

The Return of Five on Friday

It has been a minute since I linked up for one of these, but I've been loving lots of things recently (and blogging more than once a month, for a change), so I figured I'd join in. Here are some highlights from my week:

1) I got a call at work the other day from the receptionist, telling me my lunch was here. Since I didn't order lunch, I was a tad perplexed, but headed out to the lobby to find my boyfriend holding a grilled cheese sandwich and cup of tomato soup (which I had mentioned I was craving a few days back). It was totally unexpected and a very sweet surprise.

Image found here

2) Speaking of the boyfriend, he and I started binge-watching Friday Night Lights, since the weather lately has made me want to hibernate. I'm totally obsessed, even though I've already been through the series once. Connie Britton is flawless, they say "y'all" all the time, and it has football, so even dudes will watch it! It's just SO GOOD.

3) Due to bad weather and an unfortunate mix-up with the postal service, I'm still getting cards and attending birthday celebrations two weeks after the fact.  I'm really not mad about it.

I have to group them by color/flavor, which gets tricky with those red,
pink and orange ones in the middle. Or maybe I'm just colorblind ...

4) It's March and that means it's time for Easter candy! I love me some jelly beans. The Starburst and Jolly Rancher kinds are my favorite.

5) This weekend's forecast shows highs in the upper 40s and no sign of snow, thank the dear sweet lord. That means there's a chance I will leave my house!

Have a great weekend, y'all! Linking up with the lovely ladies below.

What Makes a Relationship a Success?

Maybe this is just my hippie-dippy side talking, but I sometimes feel like the universe tells me things. Not literally, of course, but I think certain things are put in my path to send a message.

Lately, that message has been about relationships. My divorce really went as well as any divorce could go, with very little arguing or hard feelings. And knowing that we're both happily walking down divergent paths now makes me feel like it was a valid choice. But the fact that it remained amicable makes me feel guilty sometimes, like I gave up. Maybe I could've tried harder, or stayed longer, and we'd still be together. If I were truly a good wife/person, I would've made it work.

But the universe has reassured me that the ability to make it work isn't necessarily what makes a relationship a success. "Forever" doesn't have to be the ultimate goal. Not that I'm knocking it, but I don't think it has to be the sole measure. I present Exhibit A*, from Dan Savage of the Savage Lovecast, on the occasion of his 20th anniversary:

"Longevity is not the only criteria of relationship success. We throw that around; we congratulate people on their 20th anniversaries ... and that's good, but we shouldn't lose sight of the fact that a relationship doesn't have to be long-term to be healthy, it doesn't have to be everlasting, to be something you can be proud of. That people can have short-term relationships that are wonderful and fulfilling, that they can look back on fondly; that they should be congratulated for. That relationships don't have to end with one person being lowered into the ground to be counted as success. That you can be with somebody for an evening, a weekend, for six months, for a year, for twenty years, and part. And that can be something that is also congratulations-worthy; how you conducted yourself in that relationship, how you treated each other, whether you parted and it's amicable ...You can have a successful STR, just as you can have a successful LTR. And if your STRs have been loving, joyful, life-affirming, and healthy, you deserve as much congratulations on your STRs as Terry and I do on our LTR."

Maybe we could have made it work. But the fact that we didn't doesn't mean that we failed, or that we wasted our time. We enjoyed each other's company when we were together, and I learned a lot from the relationship.

Outside of the divorce/breakup situation, I think this applies to relationships with known end dates, e.g., you're going off to college next year, or one of you is taking a new job across the country, or you know you're not the marrying kind. None of that means you shouldn't enjoy the time you do have with another person. Embrace the love while it lasts, and don't discount the experience once you go your separate ways. So sayeth the universe.

*Other examples that I've come across recently: Amy Poehler discussing her divorce in Yes Please, Jane and Stephen in The Theory of Everything (possibly fictionalized, but still powerful), and even freakin' Hilary Duff .

Thoughts on a Tuesday

I'm working on a couple of posts that require more thought than I'm willing/able to put forth now, so here's a bulleted list of things I feel the need to share:

- Lady Gaga KILLED IT at the Oscars on Sunday. I have to say, she wouldn't have been the first person to spring to mind for a Sound of Music tribute, but her performance was damn near flawless. In case you missed it, watch it here.

- Bagels with cream cheese are just the best. I ate one for lunch pretty much every day of high school, and I still love them. Cheese and carbs are really the building blocks of all my favorite foods.

- Big Dipper was a guest on a podcast I like, and I now I cannot stop listening to "Skank." At first I thought it was kinda crass (not that that bothers me, I just noticed its NSFW-ish nature), but then I realized if were a dude rapping about doing sex to a lady, I wouldn't have a second thought about it. For example, Kanye has that whole outro about "Yeezy reupholstered my pussy" in "Blame Game." Suck on that!

- I made both Carmelitas and Special K Bars for my birthday, then ate the majority of them while snowed in on Sunday. Sorry I'm not sorry.

Parting thought: During the last week of February last year, this was happening:

And this year, this is happening:

Is it summer yet?

Enough. Enough now.

So my birthday is on Saturday. My mom, as she is wont to do, asked me weeks ago what I would like, and I've been struggling to come up with ideas. What a terrible problem to have, eh? Someone is chomping at the bit to buy me presents, and I can't think of much I want. The struggle is real, y'all.

Not that I'm suddenly a saint-like person who doesn't desire material possessions; I rarely walk out of Target without at least one unplanned purchase, and I've managed to buy more books than I have time to read. But it doesn't have a hold on me like it used to. I'm not constantly concerned about making more or working harder or "having it all." I read this somewhere a few months back (I can't for the life of me find where, so if I co-opted it from your blog or Instagram, my apologies):

When Googled, it's sourced as a Workaholics Anonymous mantra, which probably also makes it applicable to me.

It resonated at the time, but now it's really sunk in, and for the first time in a long time (maybe ever?), I am content. I do enough. I have enough. I AM enough. My life isn't perfect: I've fallen off the workout wagon, and I would prefer to be in better shape. My career is going well, but I'm not sure it's my dream job. But I'm not beating myself up about it anymore.

I can't really put my finger on HOW this happened, so I don't have any tips or tricks to share, but I'm so thankful that it has. I'm a work in progress, and I've still got goals to work toward, but things are good. It took a full three decades for me to get there, but I think I've finally arrived. Life is good. To borrow a cheesy phrase my sister emailed me, I think this upcoming year will indeed be "thirty-wonderful." 

Just keep livin, man. L-I-V-I-N.

Hey kids. It's been a minute, as per usual. I find time most days to read the blogs I like, but I rarely feel compelled to write anything here. But that's OK, ya know? I feel fine about the fact that I've been doing more living than documenting these days.

Speaking of L-I-V-I-N, I leave for my first not-on-this-continent trip in nearly a decade tomorrow. My friend Mrs. Val asked if anyone wanted to go to Thailand with her on Facebook a while back, and I said yes. So to Thailand (and Cambodia) we shall go. I've packed my backpacking pack with a very minimal amount of clothing, several snacks (as the vegetarian options might be iffy), and plenty of bug spray. I'm ready to rock and roll.

I'm a little nervous, though. Not really about the trip, but about what the trip means. Having adventures like this is something I've always wanted to do, but never really done. Deep down, I'm worried I'll hate it and long for the suburban comforts of home. And if I do hate it, what does that mean about who I am? That I'm content to live a sheltered, predictable life? I don't want to be that girl. And I don't think I am that girl. But I've gotten pretty comfortable with my monotony.

So this trip is kind of a test. Can I be the free-spirited, confident person of my dreams? Or should I accept my destiny as a cubicle-working basic bitch? I guess we'll find out in the next two weeks.