Since my return to single-lady land last summer, I've been dating. Or "seeing people" or whatever people call it these days. I was a little rusty at first, since the last time I was single, I was 21 and smart phones were barely a thing. A guy on a podcast I was listening to recently referred to getting back into the dating scene after marriage as "Rip Van Winkle-ing," and I kind of agree with that. Things are not how they used to be.
Let's be clear: all of these situations originate online. I have zero in-person game and can count on one hand the number of times I've approached someone/been approached romantically in person in my life. #awkward
The good:
- Craigslist. For reals, y'all. I have met more legit dudes that I liked/had things in common with/wanted to make out with on Craigslist than other sites (Tinder, OKCupid). Everyone thinks it's full of creepers, and there was that lady who stole a baby out of the womb, but for me, it works. Maybe there's less pretense there, or maybe it was a total coincidence. But the majority of dudes I went on more than one date with originated with a Craigslist post. A word to the wise: if you post your own ad, brace yourself for some dick pics. Because they'll be coming at ya, hard and fast (pun intended?).
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| Case in point: Earlier this year, I mentioned I'd been craving grilled cheese to a very nice guy I'd met on Craigslist. So he surprised me with soup and sandwich for lunch the next day at work. So sweet. |
- I'm more self-aware and confident. When I dated in high school/college, I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, or how to maintain my damn composure on a date. Now, I tend to approach it like an interview; let's see if we're a good fit, and if we're not, it wasn't meant to be. If we are, great. I guess age or experience has ended the era where "But what if he doesn't like me?" was a completely paralyzing question.
The bad:
- Dudes who message to say things like "Ur fuckin sexy" or "It looks like you suck good dick." I always want to reply and ask if women ever respond to that. If so, how? "Thank you, I AM very good at fellatio!" Yikes. Nearly as awkward are the "you're prettier than a field of daisies" or "I hope your day is as beautiful as you are." It's sweet, but I still have no idea how to reply.
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| A charming text I received from a guy I hadn't even met. I haven't clicked the link, but I'm guessing it's NSFW. |
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| My chosen response. Crazy begets crazy. |
- I have no filter. I don't mean that I say whatever pops into my head, but I find myself mentioning that I got divorced last year, or ridiculous dates I've been on, or other shit Cosmo would tell me not to say on a date. I'm not telling "poor me" stories or anything, but things just come up, and I'm used to being honest. Sorry I'm not sorry?
The WTF:
- How do you stop conversations with people you don't want to talk to? I get a lot of messages from guys I'm not really interested in. Do I just ignore them? That seems rude, but it also seems rude (and time consuming!) to make idle chitchat when I have no interest in meeting them in the future. Is it mean to write back "Thanks for your message, but I'm not interested"? No idea how to handle this.
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| This from a dude who I had one dinner with, then didn't hear from for a month. A wiser woman would've just ignored it, but I wrote this. Although I doubt the slut thing would've happened, regardless of prior commitments. |
- When do you bring up the fact that you don't really want to sleep with them? I'm not saying we're not going to do the deed EVER, but that's something I try to avoid with people I've known less than four hours. Telling them at the beginning of the evening seems presumptuous; maybe I won't like you/you won't like me, and it'll be a moot point. But waiting till later doesn't seem to be a great idea, either. I met a guy for drinks, he was funny and nice, but there were a couple factors that made me think we'd be better off as friends. So he asks me to his place and I decline, saying I need to get home. He then tries to make out with me in the parking lot and sends me lots of angry messages about being a tease once I leave. Should I have said "No thanks, I'm just not that into you?" Or should I have turned around and left upon meeting him and realizing he was several inches shorter than he claimed? (Sidenote: I try not to be shallow when dating, but I just can't get it up for guys that are shorter than me. And a lot of them are.)
So that's my experience, in a nutshell. I've actually pulled back on the online dating front lately, not because it was terrible, but it does seem to take up a lot of brain space for something that isn't that productive. So I'm going to stop focusing on it for a while and see what happens. I'm not opposed to dating, I just won't be seeking it out as much. Or maybe I've just reached capacity on dick pics for a while. ;)
Do you have any tips or success/horror stories to share?
