I Hate Children (including yours)

Just kidding, friends. But it does seem like any time I make a comment about children or parenting, at least one person takes it that way. Just because I don't have (or want) children doesn't mean I hate them. Some of my best friends have kids, and I like hanging out with them (is that the same as the "I'm not racist, some of my best friends are black!" defense? Oh, lord.) I think kids are fun, and funny, and if you have a rotund baby/toddler, I will be quite smitten. Chubby cheeks FTW!

That being said, I do think there are a few places where kids just should not be. Like, ever. Even if they are the most well-behaved, chill kids on the planet. These places include:

- Breweries: I equate this to bringing kids to a bar. There is nothing here for kids. They don't serve food, and most don't even serve any non-alcoholic beverages. In fact, the whole point of the place is for adults to sit around and drink adult beverages. Heck, as a light drinker, I get bored at breweries sometimes. So what about it would be entertaining/enjoyable for your children?

To be clear, no problem with the breastfeeding, cuz that's natural.
What's not natural is your kid being at a brewery IN THE FIRST PLACE.

- Movies: Let me start off by saying, not all movies. Family-friendly movies, I expect to be loud and full of kids who are not thrilled about sitting still in the dark for 90 minutes. Not a problem. But bringing your infant to a 9:30 p.m. show of an R-rated movie? No queen. Wait for the Redbox. I also have a particularly vivid memory of watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 (which, while technically a kids' series, is rated PG-13) and being distracted during the final face-off between Harry and Voldemort because a toddler was traipsing up and down the stairs next to me in her flip-flops. I didn't pay $12 to listen to that thwap-thwap-thwap noise while waiting to see what Harry's fate will be. Kids aren't the only ones behaving badly at the movies, but I don't feel comfortable shaming children as I do my peers (I'm the one stage-whispering "PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY!" to any adults being turds. Sorry I'm not sorry).

- Nail salons: Similar to the brewery situation, there is nothing here for kids. Unless, of course, they're also getting a mani-pedi. Then I have no beef. But if you brought you kid and expect them to hang out while you get pampered for 45 minutes? I've never seen a kid who was able to make that work. But I have seen kids who entertained themselves by splashing their hands around in my footbath, which kinda killed the whole relaxing vibe.

Essentially, don't bring your kids places that are fun for you and not for them. Sure, you've gotta take them to the dentist and the grocery store and on planes, and they might not enjoy that, but it's necessary. Having them tag along to your recreational/relaxation activities is not. So for their sake (and mine), please leave them at home.

Things I'm Loving Lately

In no particular order, here are some things I've been enjoying:

Imposters: I think I saw an ad/blurb about this show on Entertainment Weekly and thought I'd give it a shot. Six episodes later and I am IN IT, y'all. It's about a woman who marries wealthy people and then drops off the face of the earth after stealing all their money. It has kept me guessing with the plot twists, but it's still frothy enough to be fun. Also, the lead actress (Inbar Lavi) is so stinkin' pretty. I like her face.

Homeland: Obviously not a new show, but Homeland is on its game this season. I loved it in the beginning, then there were a few seasons where it was just kinda off. But it is back now, and I'm obsessed. The Carrie/Quinn dynamic is very compelling, I like the struggles of the president-elect (who is female -- apparently I'm not the only one who thought Hillary was gonna take it), and Dar Adal is creepier/more devious than ever.

Torrid: I've been in Torrid before, but it didn't really seem like my kinda place. I gave it a second look recently after hearing you can buy big-girl bras there, and I was pleasantly surprised. Not only do they have bras that can contain the girls (and I happened to go when they were on sale for $30), but some cute clothes and good sales (buy one, get two free on all clearance -- yaaas, queen!). I scooped these up, along with some bro-y workout tanks and other clearance tops:

Dress

Sweatshirt

Massage: I decided to treat myself for my birthday and bought a year of monthly massages. I had my second one earlier this week, and it was so nice. It keeps me more relaxed and works out some of the kinks I acquire while living life because old. Definitely a good investment.

What's been putting a smile on your face lately?

Time for an update

... of my "about me" page. Because YIKES.

There's nothing really wrong with it, but it's not a reflection of who I am anymore. For one, that photo was taken 4+ years, several inches of hair, and many pounds ago. By my ex-husband, at my old house, neither of which I've seen since 2014. So, yeah, outdated.

Aside from that, it's just so freakin' earnest. And basic. It reminds me of pretty much every profile I've ever seen on Bumble BFF (yeah, I've tried to meet new girlfriends on Bumble. It's not really panning out).

Back in the day (circa 2012, when that was written), I think I was really afraid of turning people off by swearing, or ranting (two of my favorite things), or talking about anything that might not be all sunshine and rainbows. I also may have had delusions of grandeur regarding this blog, that it would somehow "take off" and become a source of income for me. (Tangent: I should've known that this was not to be, based on the time I interviewed for a magazine job I was not at all qualified for. Part of the interview was putting together a short article about antler chandeliers based on the info from the press release. I sat there in panic mode for about 30 minutes before writing some completely terrible copy about how the rustic beauty of the chandelier would be a charming addition to any mountain home. No queen.)

But now that I've been reading these things for a while, it seems like many blogs that are monetized aren't all that interesting. It takes a special touch to make sponsored posts seem interesting and authentic, and I definitely don't have it. So I'll just make money at my job and save this space for whatever the fuck I feel like. And revise my bio page accordingly.

This is not important. And that's OK.

I never blog anymore. Not because I don't enjoy it or don't have anything to say. But every time I come to this space to share my thoughts, I get really caught up in whether I'm saying anything new or interesting, or whether I am being fair and considering all angles.

While those are typically important things, like, for life, I realized that this doesn't have to be perfect. I started writing here to catalog who I was and what I was doing. Not to highlight the latest lifestyle trends or share my brilliant insights on race relations/politics/etc. So I'm going to get back to that. It might be trivial or uninformed, but it's me. The End.

JK. That would be a new low for posts, even for me.

So, what's up with you? I'm still adjusting to life in Trump's America. Not that my everyday life is really affected by his presidency, but it's been a journey to find the right balance of reading news and staying informed and engaged, and not, you know, losing hope for humanity. I'm still working that out, really. But I've been trying to focus on the smaller stories, of people being kind and learning to be compassionate and understanding. That gives me hope that we will work through this as a country and not just implode. This American Life has been crushing these kinds of stories lately. Give it a listen, if you're so inclined.

Outside of that whole situation, life has been good lately. I went to Hot Sulphur Springs last weekend and vegged out in the water for about eight hours. It's smelly (because sulphur), but it's relaxing and pretty affordable and only two hours from Denver, so I'd recommend it. Also, there's a restaurant called The Glory Hole just down the road, and that seems like it's worth a visit.

I've been to a bunch of good restaurants lately, my favorites being City, O' City and Sugar Mill (because how could I not love a place with sugar in the name?). I also tried out Denver Restaurant Week for the first time this year, and I was ... underwhelmed. I don't know if I'm not a fan of fine cuisine, or upscale places just aren't great at making vegetarian entrees, but I was not blown away by anything. And I didn't take any photos, because I feel like theeee biggest turd when I take photos of my food nowadays. Bad blogger, I know.

Speaking of bad blogging (it's today's topic), I recently read a post on another blog about how to make an attractive Instagram account, and the writer suggested having a theme. Your most recent nine posts should be somewhat cohesive, to give visitors an idea of what you're about. As it turns out, I'm about all sorts of things:

Should my theme be treats? Or dogs? Or how to
take a super-flattering selfie while getting your hair highlighted?

I'm not knocking her advice by any means; it makes sense, and I'm sure it works. But I've never been able to settle on just one area of focus (hence why this blog is called Life of Laura - it's all the things).  Blogging was the best for me back in the Livejournal days, when I just wrote about my life and didn't think about readership or including photos or sticking to a theme. So I'm not going to. And that's OK.