the best-laid plans ...

I am a planner, to the core. I pick out my outfit the night before, book vacations six months in advance, etc. I just feel like everything goes more smoothly if I can prepare for it. I can usually go with the flow as long as nothing too far out of the ordinary happens, but I like to have a general idea of what's coming at me at all times.

This is particularly true when it comes to health and fitness stuff. My best weeks are ones where I can shop/do food prep on Sundays, and there are no obligations standing in the way of my regular workouts. Any added stress or changes to the schedule, and lord knows what's going to happen, despite the best of intentions. I've gotta to stick to my routine.

But shit happens, and life doesn't always go according to plan. Things are a little out of the ordinary for me right now, and I'm struggling to find a new routine that fits my current schedule and still helps me reach my goals. I freaked out initially and had a lot of thoughts like "Oh no, I'm going to go back to how I was. Whenever I get stressed out, I can't keep it together." It seems so easy to throw in the towel and go back to eating a box (a bag? a package, let's say) of Oreos because I'm hungry and stressed and they're delicious.

But after a few days (and more than a few Oreos, let's be real), I had an epiphany: I will only go back to how I was if I decide to do so. Yes, there are things in life that are out of my control. But how I react to them is totally up to me. So I'm trying to keep it together, despite my pattern of falling apart. Yes, I'm stressed and hungry and not in the mood to eat my usual healthy snacks. So maybe I should have an apple to curb my sweet tooth and take some deep breaths. And remember that what I want now should not take precedence over what I want most.

Workouts are easier than food, because my body seems to crave exercise after doing it regularly for a while. If I take a few days off, I'm stiff and lethargic. So I'm trying to get it in wherever I can – walking on my lunch break, doing pushups during commercials, and going hard when I do get to the gym. Making whatever I can do count, basically.

I'm also trying to strike a balance between not caring at all and caring so much that it stresses me out. I'm sure I will have slip-ups (see Oreo incident above), but I'm trying not to dwell on my indiscretions. I just have to take it day by day and do my best. Do y'all have any tips for staying on track when things get crazy?

High Five for Friday

It's Friday, and that means it's time for another High Five! Here's my list for this week:

1. Green Tea sweats - I'm not big on matching sweatsuits, but these are SO comfortable (and the pants don't have anything written across the butt, so I find them acceptable). The beginning of this week was pretty dang chilly, and this is my favorite hang-around-the-house outfit for winter weather. The pants fit great (I tend to have trouble with drawstring pants as I have no hips/booty to hold them up) and the faux-fur lined hood is super warm. Cozytown.

You, too, could be this comfy!

2. Tuesday night comedies on Fox - I don't watch Dads, but Brooklyn 99, New Girl and The Mindy Project are all hilarious in unique ways. Good times.

3. Pre-mixed alcoholic beverage pouches. They're like adult Capri Suns, without the hassle of trying to jab the straw into the top. Just buy, freeze, and drink. I've had a few flavors from a few different brands, and they're all pretty tasty.

They know how to highlight their best features. 

4. Crock-Pot meals - I actually meal-planned this week and used my slow cooker to make a black bean and rice soup for lunch, and a "Chinese hot pot" (not sure what that really means, but veggies and tofu, basically) for dinner, so I didn't have to cook ALL WEEK. Crock-Pots rule.

5. Turbo Kick - Due to working from home, some knee pain and vacation, I've been missing my regularly scheduled workouts. Monday night was my first Turbo class in two weeks, and it was awesome. And sweaty. But still awesome.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

The dangers of pinterest: Caramel-Stuffed Pumpkin Cookies

Chewy cookies with a gooey caramel center. What more do you need in life?

Let's talk about Pinterest. I'm not the most active pinner, but I like to go on ocassionally when I'm looking for a new workout routine or a yummy dinner recipe. Or at least that's what I tell myself. That ish is dangerous! I sign on with the best of intentions, then end up pinning desserts. Every time. My friend Mo is a great baker and always pins the most delicious-looking recipes; so when I saw she had pinned these Caramel-Stuffed Pumpkin Cookies, I thought it would be an awesome fall treat. But I'm trying to limit my sugar consumption, and this Chex mix was priority #1, so I had to table the cookies for a bit. So after weeks of waiting, Saturday was C-Day (aka Cookie Day. Which is remembered a lot more than once a year in my house).

The pumpkin flavor in these is very slight; I would say they taste more like snickerdoodles than any pumpkin cookie I've had. I think you could add pumpkin pie spice to the dough in place of some/all of the cinnamon to give it a more "fall" flavor. But the snickerdoodle flavor was definitely still edible. ;)

It was a bit tricky covering the caramels with the dough because the dough was super sticky.  But I knew I had to power through,  in the name of all that is sweet. First, I made a patty (I'm sure that's a technical baking term) of dough, then placed the caramel in the center.

Let's play a little game of Hide the Caramel, shall we?

I then folded the edges of the dough in to cover the exposed sides of the caramel, and rolled in between my palms to even out the coverage.

Action shot!

Coat them in cinnamon-sugar and these babies are ready to bake.

These are awesome eaten warm out of the oven (wait like 10 minutes to avoid molten caramel burns), or you can re-create the "fresh out the oven" effect by microwaving them for 11 seconds (my exact, scientific calculation. But I'm sure anywhere between 10-15 would be fine). I didn't try any of them at room temperature, but they apparently taste like a candy bar (per my mom). So probably still pretty good.

Check out that caramel stretch.

If you'd care to see what other dangerous behavior Pinterest is fostering in me, you can follow me here. Happy Wednesday, y'all!

Vegas: Neon and nuptials

I'm back to reality this week after taking most of last week off to go to Las Vegas. Vegas is a pretty frequent destination for me, so I try to find new things to do each time, in addition to the standard walk the strip/eat and drink a lot/sit by the pool that I do every trip. This time, we did something extra special, as we got to be witnesses at our friends' wedding.

All dressed up and ready to witness.

The wedding was at the Bellagio on Halloween, and after the sweet ceremony, we walked around the grounds while their official photographer took pictures (and we snuck pics with our phones). We went to a fancy tapas place where I may have had too much sangria, then hit up In-N-Out for a "grilled cheese" – really just a burger with no patty – and topped off the evening with a gondola ride at the Venetian. It was great fun, and I'm so glad we got to celebrate with them.

The happy couple - how cute are they?

We also tried a new restaurant, Hash House a Go Go. There are several in Vegas, but we tried the one in The Quad. I'd heard marvelous things about this place (and their giant portions were featured on Man vs. Food), and I love me a good breakfast, so I was pumped. Unfortunately, the food was just OK. The crispy potatoes were greasy and soggy, and there was no butter or jelly offered for my enormous biscuit. So, not amazing. They did have pretty great orange juice, though.

Mushroom hash from Hash House a Go Go. Not my favorite. But that OJ was on point.

Another new adventure this trip was a visit to The Neon Museum. Their boneyard is a collection of several signs from the Las Vegas of yesteryear, and it was pretty cool to walk through and see the old-fashioned signs and hear stories about Vegas history.

The Neon Museum sign

Only a few of them were actually restored, but the rest are lit up at night (when I went) or you can tour during the day. My guide was a history professor who had tons of knowledge about Las Vegas and its growth and development (like the origin of the $1.99 steak dinner, or the "family-friendly" Vegas era), which I found really interesting.

Some of the collection.

The last new thing I tried this trip was exercising. Not really new to my life in general, but I can't remember ever getting a workout more strenuous than a brisk walk on a vacation before. But I made time each morning to get my butt to the gym in the complex (we stayed at a timeshare place, which was super cute, though not cute enough to convince us to buy one) and get my sweat on.

Pics, or it didn't happen. I look thrilled.

I didn't do anything too tough, just 20-30 minutes of cardio and some ab work, but I feel like it set the tone for the day and helped me make some better choices instead of embracing the free-for-all mentality I usually have on trips.

Overall, it was a fun trip. And it was nice to be in 70-degree weather, especially since it's supposed to snow later today. I've embraced fall, but I'm totally not ready for winter at this point. What did y'all get up to this weekend?

Losses and Gains

I've gone back and forth about whether I wanted to write about this. It's more comfortable to keep things superficial, to write about TV shows and treats and good times. But what's the point of a blog if you can't share your deepest insecurities with all of your friends (and probably some strangers)? So I'm going to go there.

I'm fat. The short version of my story is that I've been fat since middle school, to varying degrees. Every few years, I would get motivated and either diet or start working out on the regular, and some weight would drop off. But I've never been able to maintain a healthy weight for my size (per BMI standards).

I wanted to be OK with being a big girl. I am who I am, and I should embrace it, right? But I felt awkward being bigger than all of my girlfriends and embarrassed when I couldn't shop at "normal" (i.e., not plus-size) clothing stores. But more than that, I wanted to be athletic. I literally fantasized about going for a run around my neighborhood (and not dying afterward) or taking a hike with friends on the weekend.

December 2010

So, in 2011, I joined a gym. But after dropping 25 pounds initially, the weight loss stalled. And then reversed itself completely, after I started a new job that included a long commute and lots of stress. I kept working out, and even upped my intensity, but I couldn't figure out why I wasn't making progress. It finally occurred to me that  I would never be truly healthy or lose weight with any permanence unless I changed my diet.

I went vegan in 2008, so I wasn't eating a lot of fast food or things you would typically consider "junk," but I'm a carboholic. I love bread, pasta, candy, cake – really anything baked or sugary, and I'm in. All in. I can polish off a box of Oreos in 24 hours, no problem. But – although delicious – it didn't make me feel good.

In May, I started meeting with a nutritionist/trainer and realized the effects of what I was putting in my mouth. I worked toward cutting out processed foods and simple carbs and focused on vegetables and protein (which included Greek yogurt and cottage cheese, so no more veganism for me. Still don't eat meat, though). Slowly, the weight started coming off. Seeing results motivated me to continue my healthy habits.

Nearly six months later, I'm down 38 pounds, and that feels great. But the number on the scale has become less important to me. I'm focusing less on losing, and more on what I've gained. There are so many things I can do now I could never do before – planks, chin-ups (maybe just chin-up, singular, at this point), burpees, etc. I feel capable and powerful, and that only makes me want to be more capable and powerful. And I actually look forward to working out! I'm excited to get up and go to Turbo Kick every Saturday morning, and I schedule other plans around my set workouts.

October 2013

I've really tried to look at this as a lifestyle change and not a diet (cliche, I know), because it's not something I'm going to be done with when I reach a certain size or weight. I finally understand that I have to keep eating well and working out for the rest of my life to feel my best. But it's still a struggle sometimes. I love to bake, and while I know I can't eat a cake every weekend like I used to, it's been difficult to give that hobby up completely. But now I make a treat, pre-portion out a few servings, and give the rest away. Or, if we go out for pizza, I'll have 1-2 slices and eat a salad on the side. It's not about being perfect, it's about making better choices. So I try to keep it to a few "splurge meals" each week.

Another part of this has been accepting myself for who I am. My penchant for treats may mean I'll never be a thin person, but I can still be strong and fit whilst indulging in the occasional cookie. I can embrace my thunder thighs, because I worked hard to build those muscles. I can get excited about how much I can bench press or the fact I can almost do a pistol squat without assistance. So that's what I'm gonna do. It's not always fun, but I have a feeling it's worth it. :)

Side note: I'm not trying to fat-shame anyone in any way. Everyone is different, and I know there are myriad reasons why people are heavy, and I'm not trying to fault anyone for it. I'm happier when I'm healthier (and at my heaviest I was certainly not physically nor emotionally healthy), so that's what I'm working toward. And if you're in the same boat (or were, or want to be), I'd love to hear from you! I'm always down to share stories, workout ideas, recipes, etc.

Birthday wrap-up

Clockwise, from top right: T. Bob hanging out at the playground on our walk; My painted pumpkin; Enjoying his birthday ice cream at Benihana; Demon guarding the gate at The Frightmare Compound.

This weekend was my husband's birthday (for purposes of this blog, he will henceforth be known as T. Bob). Since it's five days before Halloween, and he loves Halloween, celebrating typically involves a fair amount of holiday activities. On Friday night, we had dinner at Bao with friends and then went to see Bad Grandpa. It was funny, but there were a little too many poop-related jokes for my taste (which I should've expected from a Jackass movie, but oh well). However, I highly recommend the AMC Theatres at Flatiron Crossing;  they recently upgraded to all-recliner seating, and you choose your seat when you buy your ticket, so it's convenient and cozy, two of my favorite things.

On Saturday, we had lunch with family at Benihana. They sang a birthday song in Japanese, which was highly entertaining. After lunch, we enjoyed some birthday cake, which I have dubbed the Fail Cake. T. Bob loves carrot cake and I've used this recipe before with great success, but this year it just did not work out for me. I set out to make a two-layer, nine-inch round cake. I greased and floured my pans and baked as usual, but when I tried to remove the cake from the pan, it would not budge. Like, at all. One of the rounds ended up ripping in half after I shook it a little too vigorously. But no worries, I just decided I would leave them in the pans and we would have two separate, smaller cakes.

Then it was time to decorate. Now, I am not a great cake decorator by any means, but I have taken the first series of Wilton decorating classes, and I have some basic skills under my belt. But I threw caution to the wind and decided to freehand a dinosaur onto this cake. Ordinarily, I would've made a piping-gel transfer and then covered it with frosting, but I got overconfident (and also lazy) and thought I could do it all on my own. It turns out I could not:

The Fail Cake. There aren't even children around to bla – uh, take credit for this.

So I added another element of fail to the Fail Cake. On the plus side, it was still very tasty, and T. Bob ended up smashing it together with ice cream and extra frosting, so I don't think he was too upset about it. 

That afternoon, we decided to get started on the Halloween portion of the festivities, so we bought pumpkins and some hard cider and headed home. As I am extremely accident-prone and also lazy, we opted to forgo carving this year and painted them instead. Way less labor intensive.

My spiderweb pumpkin with T. Bob's Joker.

We rounded out the evening with a walk through the trees to check out all the fall colors (including a pit stop at the playground), a trip to the Frightmare Compound, and Sleepy Hollow (the movie, not the TV show, though I've heard good things about the latter). We're headed to Vegas on Wednesday, so I'm sure we'll do some more celebrating there – because all birthdays deserve to be celebrated for at least a week. :) What fun Halloween (Halloween-y?) activities have you all been up to?

My First High Five

I love the "High Five for Friday" posts that Lauren at Lauren Elizabeth does every week. I think it's a nice way to show appreciation for things going on in your life, even if they're just small things. And it gives you a glimpse into other people's lives, which is fun (if you're nosy like I am). So here's my High Five for this week:

1. I have found my dream car (part of a classic car collection I saw on Saturday night). I primarily like it because of its color. I know nothing about the "technical" aspects of it. Except it's called a VW Thing, which is another reason I like it.

2. Coffee is a part of my life again! I switched to green tea for two weeks, which I thought would be easy, as I only drink one cup of coffee per day, but dang. I need that one cup.

3. It's the husband's birthday weekend! His actual birthday is tomorrow, but celebrations begin today. I'm sure I will describe them in graphic detail at some point next week.

4. The weather. And fall. It has been so freakin' nice here for the past few days.

5. These shoes – I keep them in the box (not sure why), then forget I have them for long periods of time. Then I rediscover them and fall in love all over again. And they match my dream car. I might be obsessed with this color.

Hope y'all have a wonderful weekend!