The Joy of Online Dating

Disclaimer: Things are about to get really real, y'all. Not like 50-Shades-of-Grey graphic or anything, but if you're conservative and/or a blood relative, read at your own risk.

Since my return to single-lady land last summer, I've been dating. Or "seeing people" or whatever people call it these days. I was a little rusty at first, since the last time I was single, I was 21 and smart phones were barely a thing. A guy on a podcast I was listening to recently referred to getting back into the dating scene after marriage as "Rip Van Winkle-ing," and I kind of agree with that. Things are not how they used to be.

Let's be clear: all of these situations originate online. I have zero in-person game and can count on one hand the number of times I've approached someone/been approached romantically in person in my life. #awkward

The good:

 - Craigslist. For reals, y'all. I have met more legit dudes that I liked/had things in common with/wanted to make out with on Craigslist than other sites (Tinder, OKCupid). Everyone thinks it's full of creepers, and there was that lady who stole a baby out of the womb, but for me, it works. Maybe there's less pretense there, or maybe it was a total coincidence. But the majority of dudes I went on more than one date with originated with a Craigslist post. A word to the wise: if you post your own ad, brace yourself for some dick pics. Because they'll be coming at ya, hard and fast (pun intended?).

Case in point: Earlier this year, I mentioned I'd been craving grilled cheese to a very nice guy I'd met on Craigslist. So he surprised me with soup and sandwich for lunch the next day at work. So sweet.

 - I'm more self-aware and confident. When I dated in high school/college, I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, or how to maintain my damn composure on a date. Now, I tend to approach it like an interview; let's see if we're a good fit, and if we're not, it wasn't meant to be. If we are, great. I guess age or experience has ended the era where "But what if he doesn't like me?" was a completely paralyzing question.

 The bad:

- Dudes who message to say things like "Ur fuckin sexy" or "It looks like you suck good dick." I always want to reply and ask if women ever respond to that. If so, how? "Thank you, I AM very good at fellatio!" Yikes. Nearly as awkward are the "you're prettier than a field of daisies" or "I hope your day is as beautiful as you are." It's sweet, but I still have no idea how to reply.

A charming text I received from a guy I hadn't even met.
I haven't clicked the link, but I'm guessing it's NSFW.

My chosen response. Crazy begets crazy.

 - I have no filter. I don't mean that I say whatever pops into my head, but I find myself mentioning that I got divorced last year, or ridiculous dates I've been on, or other shit Cosmo would tell me not to say on a date. I'm not telling "poor me" stories or anything, but things just come up, and I'm used to being honest. Sorry I'm not sorry?

The WTF:

- How do you stop conversations with people you don't want to talk to? I get a lot of messages from guys I'm not really interested in. Do I just ignore them? That seems rude, but it also seems rude (and time consuming!) to make idle chitchat when I have no interest in meeting them in the future. Is it mean to write back "Thanks for your message, but I'm not interested"? No idea how to handle this.

This from a dude who I had one dinner with, then didn't hear from for a month.
A wiser woman would've just ignored it, but I wrote this. Although I doubt
 the slut thing would've happened, regardless of prior commitments.

 - When do you bring up the fact that you don't really want to sleep with them? I'm not saying we're not going to do the deed EVER, but that's something I try to avoid with people I've known less than four hours. Telling them at the beginning of the evening seems presumptuous; maybe I won't like you/you won't like me, and it'll be a moot point. But waiting till later doesn't seem to be a great idea, either. I met a guy for drinks, he was funny and nice, but there were a couple factors that made me think we'd be better off as friends. So he asks me to his place and I decline, saying I need to get home. He then tries to make out with me in the parking lot and sends me lots of angry messages about being a tease once I leave. Should I have said "No thanks, I'm just not that into you?" Or should I have turned around and left upon meeting him and realizing he was several inches shorter than he claimed? (Sidenote: I try not to be shallow when dating, but I just can't get it up for guys that are shorter than me. And a lot of them are.)

So that's my experience, in a nutshell. I've actually pulled back on the online dating front lately, not because it was terrible, but it does seem to take up a lot of brain space for something that isn't that productive. So I'm going to stop focusing on it for a while and see what happens. I'm not opposed to dating, I just won't be seeking it out as much. Or maybe I've just reached capacity on dick pics for a while. ;)

Do you have any tips or success/horror stories to share?